Contemplation

I am going to start new things. I want to see broadway musicals, I want to experience art in West Palm Beach, I want to do things that people don't usually do on the weekends. I might as well do something, if I'm going to be living here for a while. I enjoy picnics, sunshine, and music. I want to start doing photography because I love to capture the essence of a loveable, memorable moment. I couldn't imagine my life being this bland anymore. I live my life as a snail; it's a very slow process--yet the days go so fast. I had a wonderful time in Indiana, it was so good to see my greatest friends again. I want to experience life. I don't want to keep sitting here complaining about how dull my life is. I know that life does not have to be this way. If I enjoy my church and my school, why couldn't I enjoy everything else...just because at this time in my life my job stinks. I come here 8 hours a day, 4 days of the week. It's not that bad. I have an idea of what I want my life to look like, and I keep going back to that. I guess I need to take my eyes off of that and focus on what is going on right now. I got to go back to the place I love the most, and I kept thinking "I want to move to Indy"..."how can I move back to Indy and still have the same great things that I have in Florida?" Why is it so hard for me to except that I live in Florida now? I am doing great things here, yet I can't fully see it. Contemplating...

exclamation point

So here I am, once again...sitting in a cubicle in which all of my "work" takes place. Patience is a virtue, yet I can't seem to gather around the fact that I have to work at this god forsaken place for probably another two years. It seems as if I'm stuck in a plastic bubble where I am content, but not fully expressing myself so it makes me feel stuck. Does that make me really content though? Of course I can minister to my fellow employees but will I ? Probably not. This job pays the bills, it gives me something to do during the day rather than soaking my brain with childish cartoons (which is exactly what I would do). I mean, don't get me wrong...I have so much joy in my life...it's the job that kills me. I couldn't even imagine doing this for the rest of my life. I'd rather get paid no money than have to be secluded inside of a building all day without even a breath of excitement in the air. The only time I'm excited is when I forget something in my car and realize I need to go out and get it. This is what my 8 hour days at work consist of, absolutely nothing. I am so thankful for this job during such a horrendous economical time. I just continue to pray for patience because I know I need rejuvenation everyday when I come here Monday-Thursday from 7:30-3:30. deeeep sigh.

On the flip side. I am leaving for Indiana in about 5 hours and I cannot be more excited about this! Another thing to be happy about is, my peers at Palm Beach Atlantic...I haven't really found my niche so to speak but I think finding a niche at this point in my life isn't going to happen. I do know that my niche is at Church in the Gardens... I love the people at my church and I am so joyful to have that in my life.

Oh and another thing I'd really like to meet my husband, RIGHT NOW! :) ahaha....but seriously..... Maybe not now, but it would be awesome if he was in my life.

I just need the patience seriously raining down on me. I love to rush into life!!! But who's to say that I'm not aloud to want a passionate life? I just need to calm down and think about being a little more simplistic, cut some stuff out and enjoy life instead of life enjoying me. I am obsessed with doing things, I need to be around people...I guess I just want to feel God in my life and it helps if I'm doing a million things that involve God. I love God...God is the cheese to my macaroni, without cheese it's just noodles and they are bland and taste bad. Without God my life has tastes bad and there's nothing good about it...filled with a whole lot of nothingness.

Praying for people, still. I would go into more detail about it but let's just say God has put on my heart to pray for this world. I'm not trying to save the world but wouldn't it be awesome if we all just reacted a little differently in some situations. Smile more!!! Hug people!!! give someone a stinking high five!!! Not to be a love crazed person but seriously...instead of reacting like a normal human being maybe we can take a deep breath and realize that we are all here together going through crap, no one is alone or has to be.

random.