letting go of bitterness and unforgiveness

I'm slowly learning that there's a long process you need to go through to fully free of bitterness and unforgiveness. I have been trapped with this bitterness for most of my life. Toward friends that have hurt me in the worst ways, through relationships with boys that went sour, and through situations that have happened within my family. I have a relationship with the Lord, I know I am imperfect and I know that most people would probably say, "you're not a good Christian." You know what I say to that, I don't agree at all. I have tried my best for the better part of my life to give everything I am to love people and give my heart to making sure that all my relationships with people are tight. I also know that I have failed NUMEROUS times. I have realized that I am filled with nothing but bitterness and unforgiveness, and it is making my attitude seem different toward people (people that mean something to me). I want to be free of this bitterness; especially since a recent incedent with a boy that I had forgiven just last year for doing this very same thing to me. For years, I have wallowed in pity and sorrow...hoping that one day things would turn out great. I am tired of living in a lie...I am tired of putting on a face, showing everyone that I'm okay. I am okay, yes, but I am also tied down with bitterness that succombs my life. I can't stress enough how terrible I feel like I have been to my friends for the past year...I feel like a failure most of the time because maybe one thing didn't work out with someone. I mainly feel like it might be my fault for things that happen between my friends and I. I don't feel good about myself most of the time, and I expect rejection out of most of my relationships. I want to be free from this. I know that I can be free. I know that God can free me, but before He can do it...I need to forgive myself and forgive the one's that have hurt me in the past and recently. I have decided that I am going to get a list of people that I feel have hurt me, and I am going to make it a point to pray for them and then pray that I have the strength to forgive them but also forgive myself. I just want to be able to live a happy life without old past regrets and bitterness filled inside of me. I know that I do wrong everyday...and I know that most of the time I know when I'm doing something wrong. So I'm not saying this to be like, everything I've done wrong is because of something someone else did to me. NO, I'm saying that I am hurting and I want to be free from this hurt. That is all, just a word before I'm off to bed. Goodnight moon.