still sitting at a desk, in a cubicle on a different day.

I feel like poop today. I hate money, and what it does to me (1 Timothy 6:10 and 17). I hate relationships and what they do to me as well. If you ask me—I’d like to live away from it all and live off the land and the Word. I’m not going to lie, I’m so sick to my stomach of the world. Sometimes I wish I could just not be apart of it all. I love helping people, and building relationships but if I could I’d run away from it all, I sometimes feel like I would. This is where God needs me to be strong; this is where He tests my faith. If my faith wasn’t tested, what kind of faith would it be? I keep thinking to myself that I need something new, that I want to experience life in a different way. It doesn’t necessarily mean I need to move to another state--but it would be nice. Maybe move in with a family, or into my own apartment. I don’t know. I seriously feel like I may upchuck from all the faux anxiety I produce within myself. One way satan grabs tight of me is through the anxiety (Psalm 139:23). I feel like nothing is okay, I feel like it will never go away. For some reason I keep making up this whole scenario in my head that if I move back to Indiana, everything will be okay. What am I thinking? The grass is never greener on the other side, I won’t all of the sudden be cured. I’m making up lies in my head in order to figure out how to run away. I don't know.. I feel great, but I still feel weird...like something is missing. I have no stinking idea what the bloody heck it is either. God... help? Did I mention how much I kind of hate my job? It's boring (I sit at a desk for 8 hours, doing financial reports and staring at a computer screen). I'm blessed to have the job for the money, but in every aspect it's everything I hate in a job. I pray for patience...sweet patience.

Matthew 6:19-24, 25-34

Philippians 4:6-7--Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. 8-9, Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 2:3-5--Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.

Psalm 139:1-6, 13-14, 16—he knows!!! 17-18—and still He loves me, and still his thoughts about me are precious. 23-24—Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Lord,

Search my heart and know my anxious thoughts. Test me so that my faith may be stronger. Make me more like you, one who is humble and gracious toward others. Adjust my attitude so that I may be more like you. Make me clean, and mold me into a selfless being. Fix my thoughts on what is true and lovely. Take all of my worries away, for you are my provider. I want to seek your kingdom above all else, and live righteously. I don’t want to worry about tomorrow because today brings enough for today. Give me the knowledge to treat others as I would like to be treated. Give me patience to forgive others if they do me wrong, but also give them the knowledge of grace if I have ever done them wrong. Lead me on your narrow path, and don’t let me get too comfortable so that I may walk away with pride. My treasure is in you, so my desires are in you as well. Make me soft and flexible so that you can use and shape me for what you desire. I know that I am capable of sin, so show me the depths of my heart. Let the peace that comes from you, rule in my heart (Col. 3:15). Let your message fill my life. Thank you for all of this that you have provided me with in my life physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Amen.